


Vesti la Giubba

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-06 21:32:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10345005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: SPOILERS : None, but takes place after Shades of GreyJack listens way too much Italian opera, and Daniel reflects on some things.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Vesti la Giubba

_Vesti la giubba e la faccia infarina._   
_La gente paga e rider vuole qua,_   
_e se Arlecchin t'invola Colombina,_   
_ridi, Pagliaccio, e ognun applaudirà!_   
_Tramuta in lazzi lo spasmo ed il pianto;_   
_in una smorfia il singhiozzo e il dolore..._   
_Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul taro amore infranto!_   
_Ridi del duol_   
_che t'avvelena il cor!_   
_Ruggero Leoncavallo, Pagliaccio_

_(Put on the costume,_   
_and the face in white powder._   
_People pay, and laugh when they choose._   
_And if Harlequin steals Colombina from you,_   
_laugh, Pagliaccio, and everyone will applaud_   
_Transmute the spasms and the tears into buffoonery;_   
_the sobs and the pain into grimacing smiles._   
_Laugh, Pagliaccio, about your shattered love!_   
_Laugh about the pain_   
_that poisons your heart!)_   
_Ruggero Leoncavallo, Pagliaccio_

* * *

I like the stars.

They have the calming effect of having been there for millions of years. Their life comes to us after a long trip and gives us a glimpse of something beautiful, created centuries ago.

Civilizations fall and rise, people are born and die, and those little points of light still do the same. They also perish, but their time is longer, so long that for us, insignificant beings, it's unbelievable.

We've watched the stars for centuries, and sought proof, truth, hope, faith; we've given them names and shapes. They are Perseus, the hero who fought the evil Medusa and then saved Andromeda, the chained princess, with the help of Pegasus, the winged horse. Navajo believed that the stars of Ursa Major were six brothers killed by their own sister as a blood revenge. Our ancestors believed that the Via Lactea was the road that brought all the souls to heaven.

If all those people who get up every morning and go on with routine lives knew how dangerous stars can be, they would feel as helpless as I feel from time to time. I've been amidst the stars, and every time I step through that gate I can't help the that overwhelming sensation and the weight of responsibility.

I've found my path to the skies, but I'm not looking for a blessed place. First I sought my lost love, now I am looking for a child to redeem my soul. Whenever I see someone complaining about boring lives, I wish I could tell them to savor the ordinary as long as they can. Living myths can be deadly.

Constellations determined my fate the moment I discovered them carved on the chevrons of a 10.000 years old alien artifact. I didn't know what was coming. It was just a wonderful adventure. Now I know that it could also destroy me.

Just the same, I'll let them dream with the myths, because if someone offered me to go back and erase my memory, I'd say no, thank you. It's not bad at all.

How was it? "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe".

Me too.

Jack loves the stars.

I don't know when he started liking them, but I have a good theory. He was taught how to get oriented using them, and they became friends. Stars kept him company in all those dark places he was sent . Not all of the places were real, others hid inside his mind. The stars were always above him, though. Amazing partners, cold enough, something to shout at- without expecting an answer.

There's nothing better to help forget than a starry night, with interludes of silence and music. Curiously, I did the same before I knew Jack. Stargazing from the top of the Giza pyramid is an awesome experience. A chance of letting the world turn without me, all harming memories aside for a while. Even if when you get down you are reprimanded for climbing a forbidden place. 

Sam does that too. Not climbing pyramids, but she finds comfort in the star filled sky. One night - not long after Oannes- I found her topside on a dark cold night, watching the sky with an unreadable expression. I had been walking under the stars, just glad to be alive. We didn't talk, just sat there. Teal'c joined us, apparently his favourite place was near ours. And it took Jack less than an hour to find us.

Dawn caught the four of us still there, almost freezing but also incredibly warm. We didn't say much, but we all realized that something had joined us. We needed to be together, because that way we would be able to beat all the odds we would find in our journeys. Staying together was going to be the key of our success. No one could hurt us as long was we had each other to lean on.

And an old individual habit became an appropriate ritual for dark moments. Sometimes we seek solitary comfort in the light above us, other times we sit there with company.

We give the rest of the base evidences enough to wonder if Teal'c is not the only alien in SG-1.

Tonight I'm not at the top of the mountain. I've been driving to Jack's house. He left so fast that we didn't realize, but I won't let him evade this one. He saw it coming, and no laughs and pats on the back will be enough. So much work for nothing- and he knew it from the beginning. Damn Tollans, they played with us.

Also the 'no foundations' comment. How dared he. He could have said anything to keep me at arms length, but that was excruciating. Knowing false gods tends to keep my faith levels low, but I still think there is stuff that's sacred. Friendship is.

I am here because I want a true apology. Jack gives awful apologies. So do I, but that's not really the issue right now. I'll do it better when time comes if I can make this one succeed. I just want to believe that our friendship is good enough to rate an honest 'I'm sorry'.

Maybe it wasn't his purpose, but he shattered our friendship and if it has foundations as solid as we thought, we should really check them. I'm not that sure right now. That Jack I visited was a very dangerous person who knew exactly what to say to make me run away. What should I do now?

I know Jack. He pretends that life is a comedy, that a crack at the right time can save you from an uncomfortable situation. It works with most of the people. They either laugh or get so pissed that they want to strangle him. In both cases he skips the talking and the trouble of having to open himself.

I was first surprised when he let me take a look inside, but I'm very honored. I know for sure all the bets in the SGC gave the odds of Jack and I lasting in the same unit less than month. I should have made the bets official, I'd be a rich man. Now I'm richer, but in a different way.

Everything started in Abydos . The rush our experience there put us through the wringer. We had no one else, so we had to trust each other. I was not the kind of person he'd ever approach and he wasn't the kind of person I'd ever pay attention to.

I thought I'd never see him again, that I would have a life of love and peace with Sha're and the rest of the tribe. When our paths crossed again the situation surrounding us was so new, so scary we greeted each other like old friends. And we learned to respect and trust each other despite the fact that there are things on which we will never agree Sam and Teal'c came into our equation and we started our unconventional, perhaps a bit lunatic, imitation of family.

We have struggled with many outside threats, but never, never thought we'd have to face an inside one. Now, Jack has to go and surprise us. He launched an attack on the only place we thought secured. We took for granted that none of us would fail and change sides. It doesn't matter that it was just a hoax, it hurt just the same.

That's why I am here, to seek a true apology.

Jack is on the roof, just where I thought he would be. A soft music comes from here. What's that? Oh yeah, Opera. God, Jack. You are compulsive. How many times have you been listening to that? A clown. You should have chosen a better one. Tonight I'm in no mood to laugh.

Neither are you.

I'm not the only one needing assurance. Note taken. I'm gonna end this melodrama. The thing I hate about Italian opera is that they tend to kill people a lot. We all survived this, and don't want my friend feeling more guilty than he should.

The comedy now is over, and he doesn't need to think he's playing a double game. With me, with us, he can be whoever he wants. No need of wearing white masks or costumes. He will be just himself. We're going to face whatever comes from this. I don't want Jack to be someone who wears a mask of pretense. I need him, we need him, with all his strengths and weaknesses.

He's the one who gets the best of us, and he has to know. His apparent betrayal hurt more because we rely on him to keep going and to keep us going. He's up there hurting and I'm down here hurting. Pagliaccio was alone and no one helped him. We are different though. Stars will help us once more. 

Sam and Teal'c will be here soon, I need to hurry.

I have to turn off the music.

**The End**

  


* * *

  


> This came to my mind when I realised that the aria Jack was listening to in Shades of grey was 'Vesti la giubba'. It's a wise way of explaining how he feels.
> 
> Many thanks to Carrie for pushing me to expand this and doing an amazing beta job, and to the people from the HC chat for confirming the name of the opera.

* * *

  


>   
> © March 5, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  



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